Stop being friends with working creatives.

& start looking elsewhere in your relationships.

I was meeting my bestie for drinks the other day, who is by the way- a working creative too- & we discussed the aspects of our life and a mutual feeling of burnout. We permeated and perused all the different reasons why, the late hours, the multiple calls, the time zone difference clients but something else emerged amidst our toils- a lot of our friends were creatives.

It’s understandable and natural, you are a by product of who you surround yourselves with and when you are someone who is passionate about what you do, whatever that may be creative or otherwise, you do naturally drift towards someone who shares that experience with you. However, what I will say about creatives that differs from bankers, doctors, receptionists, baristas and lawyers are that a lot of the time, they SOLELY surround themselves with only creative people, which often is a detriment to them.

Now I am writing this as someone who has a lot of creative friends, I have friends in set design, graphic design, production, photography, directing, screenwriting, fashion, actors etc. I’m very proud of the network that I have cultivated and the people that I surround myself with. But that is also because these are not all my friends, in all honesty MOST of my friends are not in the creative sector at all. Off the top of my head my friends are therapists, archaeologists, builders, coders, auctioneers, data analysts, work in insurance, project management, marketing, recruitment, charities, tech. My net is vast and wide, which I think serves me well.

Back to my starting point, what my friend and I noticed, amongst as we pointed out the range of other factors that contributed to our burnout, we realised that when we were in these states of stress when we ONLY hung out with our friends in the creative sector it didn’t seem to alleviate the issues we were facing and in some instances heighten them. That was because we were engaging with people who wanted to discuss our work, in depth and had the language and understanding to continue it past a superficial, polite level. Or we would discuss our industry, people we knew within it, recent projects we saw come out, campaigns that hadn’t landed or shared clients that were annoying us. Therefore, we weren’t switching off, we weren’t stepping outside of our work environment and allowing it to thrive within our personal time. Please don’t get me wrong, there is a time and place for creative friends, especially for people who are self- employed and lack the colleague dynamic most work forces have. They need people to vent to, to seek feedback from, to offer insights, opinions or debate. They are intrinsic, but they are not everything.

Images are part of the series 'Ode' by Melissa Schriek which explores the nature of female friendships.

Think of every film or ensemble characters in a show that you adore, despite some very rare examples that are work centred such as Grey’s Anatomy or The Bear, you are dealing with a range of people from different walks of life and professions. Even in both Greys and The Bear the characters you see wouldn’t be described necessarily as friends, but more colleagues than anything. Look at Sex and the City, Miranda is a lawyer, Charlotte is an art dealer, Carrie is a writer and Samantha works in PR. Or Friends, Ross is an archaeologist, Rachel works in fashion buying, Chandler works in data configuration, Monica is a chef, Joey is an actor and Phoebe is a masseuse. In New Girl Nick is a bartender and later a writer, Cece is a model, Coach is a personal trainer, Winston is a Detective, Schmidt works in Marketing and Jess is a teacher. I could go on.

These friendships and dynamics work because they bond over so much more than just how they are in this world, what they have in common are deeper than that and would not be shaken with a sudden career change. It allows a place of mutual understanding, but also enough difference to be your own person- influenced by those around you in ideas on the world, political beliefs or values, as opposed to earning money the same way. Not only that, but if you are bringing work into it, sure they might not be able to understand what you are going through in a literal sense, but isn’t sometimes advice from someone who is removed better because it is more logical- or is feedback on a project or idea even more valuable from someone who isn’t in your immediate creative orbit because it shows the opinion of a more average person. Is it not even just nice to talk to someone who doesn’t understand what you do, so you can been even more vulnerable- speaking about what’s not going right or projects you have in the works, without the fear of judgement or someone taking your ideas.

Now I know the title of this makes it seem like you should be cutting ties with anyone and everyone who is remotely similar to your field, which isn’t the case- I just wanted to grab your attention. But I think the next time you are finding yourself in a situation of burn out or exhaustion, why not have drinks with the friend who is a laywer so you can chat about the new season of the Kardashian’s or grab dinner with a pal who works in sales and talk about where you want to go on holiday. I know you can do these with people who are creative, but knowing myself work will always find a way into the conversation. Whilst I may seem crazy and most people become friends with their colleagues, think about where most people make adult friends- at bookclubs, exercise classes, on holiday, retreats, nights out. Shared experiences live outside your job title too.

Life is beautiful and varied in so many ways, but mainly by the people that are within it- make sure you are experiencing all it has to offer and seek those who you wouldn’t expect to add to your life- you really won’t regret it.